Regarding the past, the present, communication, and TEEN-ANGSTY FERVOR!!! (it’s…surprisingly candid?)

I try to put up a post once a month, just so the list on the sidebar has all of the months in order without a skip. I know. I have OCD. But since I have nothing interesting to talk about, I’m probably not going to sync this to Facebook anymore, since no one cares. (And yet, I’m too lazy to go on Facebook to turn off the feed, so this is probably going to end up there anyway. )

So, the blog’s purpose has shifted slightly, since I’ve outgrown that period where I hated everyone and wanted to write hateful things semi-anonymously on the internet. Now, it’s more like a monthly update of what is going on with my life or what I’m interested in.

Before February 2010, I only got a few views because I don’t pimp my blog. Being internet-famous was never my intention. I actually think that with that kind of fame comes stress, and more haters than I ever want. However, the only post that is keeping tofuninja afloat is my Cartoon KAT-TUN post, which averages about 10 views a day.

Oh well.

I have a Facebook, a Tumblr, a Twitter, and various other mediums of expression other than this blog, so maybe my dullness is getting spread so thin that there’s not enough of it. Twitter houses my spur-of-the-moment thoughts that can’t really be written in paragraphs, Tumblr is for the lulz (99% of the posts aren’t even mine…all reblogs), and Facebook is for real people (even though I hardly use it anymore. I get bored easily).

“You can just write about your opinions!”

My opinions…I have a lot of those. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I’m very opinionated. But I think I’ve slowly changed into a pretty laid-back person. I still hold strong opinions, it’s just the difference is that I now don’t have the URGENT NEED TO SHARE THEM AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS AS A SCREW-YOU TO SOCIETY WITH TEEN-ANGSTY FERVOR!!! Looking back on it, I can say I’m pretty embarrassed about who I was before. I was one unhappy kid to say the least. My life wasn’t that bad, even though in my young teenage little mind, I thought everything in life sucks, people suck, school sucks (still does), and so forth. (Although, my middle school could also be the reason why I was such a sad sack, but that’s neither here nor there. Hey, I’m not bitter. Really.)

Sometimes I wonder to myself, “What on earth do these people want?” I was a quiet kid in elementary school, pretty much the textbook definition of “shy.” I was a killjoy, a good girl who didn’t like misbehaving. I hate to admit it, but I cried a LOT. But in my defense, wouldn’t your feelings get hurt if someone stepped on your craft project on purpose? (I’m so not bitter. Honest.) People complained about me being sensitive, so, I became a little more outspoken in middle school. I also decided to talk back loudly and voice my opinion.

So if I talk more, people don’t like it. If I talk less, people don’t like it. When I was too nice, I was a goody-two-shoes. When I put a little poison on my tongue, I was a bitch. So what was I to do?

High school was different. I guess it’s because of the great people I met, but somehow I found the right balance between mean and nice: snarky without being a bitch, nice without being a pushover.

Don’t get me wrong. A booming voice replaced my meek one, and I do slip and say things I didn’t want to say aloud. (The word “obnoxious” comes to mind.) But I still think I’ve changed for the better. Sarcastic beats pushover any day. I’m also happy to say that I have a lot more self-confidence than I did before, and it’s all thanks to awesome people. I would also refuse to acknowledge my faults, but now I feel relaxed when I speak about them. Hell, I’m probably a more flawed person now. But I don’t mind talking about it.

Let’s attempt to wrap this tangent up full circle, shall we?

So, because I have chosen to lay back and stop caring, I have much less fodder to work with. I was thinking of posting stories, but…no. My life isn’t interesting, so that’s a bummer. Therefore, the future of this blog is uncertain. I don’t have the heart to delete it because about two years of my thoughts are on here. If I don’t delete it, I’m still obligated to put up something once a month because of my irrational need for perfection.

So maybe, I’ll just continue what I’ve been doing. A post every 30 days won’t kill me. :)

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