tofuninja

My cousin (second cousin, distant relative, friend, I don’t know what to call these people anymore) and I went to Target and decided to purchase mini pizzas from Pizza Hut Express.

To my disappointment, there were no pizzas lying out.

So I say to my colleague, “This is a Pizza Hut, isn’t it? How can it be a Pizza Hut without any pizza? Maybe it’s breakfast.”

I was lying to myself. It was three in the afternoon. The only food in sight were cold pretzels, par-cooked hot dogs, and macaroni.

So it’s our turn and we come up to a rather dumpy lady with an ugly scowl etched in her face. I remember her name clearly, but for privacy purposes I’ll just call her “Gladys.”

Gladys hates her life. Anyone within a five mile radius of Gladys would know that she is terribly unhappy. Gladys was hairy.

I was walking on eggshells (or hidden mines?) when I asked her about the pizza.

“No pizza today.”

What the fuck? I’m pretty sure that Pizza Hut sells pizza at 3 PM.

So my cousin(?) and I decide to go over our options. Kids hot dog meal? (He wanted the Icee that was included)

“Thirty minutes.” Allegedly, no kids meal hot dogs were prepared, but the regular ones were. That made no sense, seeing that the half-cooked “kids meal” hot dogs were the exact same size as the “regular” hot dogs. So she and my cousin(?) got into a verbal altercation about how we shouldn’t have to pay more for an Icee in a regular hot dog meal. This was rather frustrating to watch.

Plus, she had the audacity to turn to the next customer and ask for their order before she was done with ours.

Regular hot dog meal?

She plops the hot dog down on the counter.

Cinnamon pretzels?

“We only have cheddar. Would you hurry up? I have somewhere to be.”

I highly doubt that you have a life, Gladys. I bet you just need to go to the bathroom to smoke and cut yourself. Be sure to wash your hands after you leave.

So I, in a hurry, decide to have a cheddar pretzel while my cousin(?) decides to have a regular hot dog meal sans Icee.

She glared at us, gave us the wrong change, and tried to mentally shove us away. It also took us a moment to realize that she had gotten the order wrong as well, only typing in one hot dog and a pretzel.

The pretzel, I can assure you, tasted terrible. Never buy those at a Pizza Hut.

We never did go to customer service to complain about her, because it was too entertaining to watch her piss other people off from a distance. She’s going to get fired.

I think Gladys just needs a man.